Monthly Conference Call

I love the way some writers give the minute by minute narrative of their events, so I wanted to follow suit and give you the minute by minute narrative on my conference call this morning. (typed during the call mind you)

8:56 I dial in. I accidentally dial 1-800 instead of 1-866. Some lady rudely answers the phone and states “dial 866” then she hung up on me. How rude! I dial 1-866 and begin listening to horrible hold music.

8:59 The conference chairman dials in and I no longer get to hear boring hold music. Instead I begin hearing the conference call introduction routine. “Hello, this is Jim from Denver.” “Hi everyone, Kim from Pueblo.” What I really hate about this is everyone knows everyone else hates conference calls and the stupid introduction routine, but everyone tries to "out-friendly" the rest. “Well gooood morning everyone! This is Sam from Glenwood Springs. Good to be talking to you!” I actually have gone an entire conference call without ever introducing myself or speaking. Today, I thought I’d be real outgoing “Matt… Colorado Springs… hi”

9:04 the conversation starts with 5 out of 15 people in attendance. 10 people skipping the call. Doh! – why didn’t I think of that?

9:10 A conversation about immigration law our governor is signing starts. Hot topic politically, and even for us, but let’s not waste everyone’s time and discuss it. Give me the briefing on what to expect and move on. I’m starting to get glossy eyed and am brought back to consciousness by the “ba-ding” of new email. It’s my wife asking where I made my haircut appointment. I’m so glad to find the info and reply.

9:11 – I wish more people would email me.

9:13 I hear my name being called somewhere in the back of my mind and realize someone’s talking about me on the call and hope I don’t get asked a question. Whew! No question.

9:19 My cel phone rings and caller ID shows a call from number 000-000-0000. I so want to answer to find out who has that number, but I can’t figure out how to talk on one call and listen to the conference

9:20, My phone buzzes! A voice mail! I start to check it when…

9:21 A slap on the wrist because my accountant didn’t get the magic form signed and returned to the state offices. But, when the form wasn’t requested until the day it was due, I say, “Fooey on you – you can wait your turn.”

9:25 I get my voice mail checked and it’s from our mortgage company who sent our escrow money to our insurance company to be told they don’t have record of us having insurance with them. Can I just mention I hat poorly designed information systems that screw things up like this? I’ll vent about this tomorrow.

9:29 Music to my ears. “Well that about wraps everything up. We’ll send out the minutes of this call and plan on hearing from you all next month.” It’s a new record; a 30 minute conference call. Last month’s was almost an hour. I think I better buy a lottery ticket today. My luck is running high!