Venting My Frustrations

At work we have this copy machine... need I say more before I start venting?

Every time I'm in a crunch to copy something, like I was this morning, I load my paper in the feed tray and hear this stupid "beep beep" with an error message on the screen that says "Please remove original documents from the glass". The problem is I already did. There are no documents on the stupid glass. So, I try again and again, I log out and in and hit clear and reset.

"beep beep"

AAAARRRRGH!!!!!

I finally have to shut the stupid copier down and restart it and hope that its little computer chip brain forgot what an idiot it is and lets me make the copy.

So, in honor of my frustrations, I give to you one of the best clips in all of movie history, honoring my (and probably most of your) copy machine problems.

*** special note that the sound track, while original to the movie, isn't office friendly ***



You can't honestly tell me that at one time in life you haven't felt like doing that... in the last week.

A Delightfully Tacky Yet Unrefined Employee Handbook

At one time in my life I thought I wanted to go into human resources. I eventually changed my focus, but I still love learning all the employment laws. I'm kind of a geek like that, but it's a hobby.

Recently I started helping a business with an employee handbook. Acknowledging that plagiarism is the highest form of flattery, I started by doing some research on similar industry employee handbooks. As I was browsing through samples, I came across the Hooters Employee Handbook.

A lot of time is spent discussing the physical appearance of the Hooter's girls. Here are some of my favorite excerpts.

• Our look is wholesome, yet sexy.
• Approved name tags are to be worn at all times on the left side of the Hooters Girl uniform. No provocative nicknames are to be used.
• The Hooters concept is based on female sex appeal and the work environment is one in which joking and innuendo based on female sex appeal is commonplace

WOW! That's a far cry from the usual "be at your desk, prepared to work at the start of your shift" and "limit personal calls to break time" that most employee handbooks have.

Well, I guess it could be worse, your employee handbook could say something like "The entertainer with the least amount of clothes on has control of the stage" or "You may drink while on your shift, but do not get falling down drunk."

It's Rocket Science

"Rocket science isn't rocket science to a rocket scientist."

That's what a client told me this morning when I commented that while his business model seemed viable, I wasn't able to give much advice on the technical aspects of what he was doing, which was literally rocket science.

His statement reinforced three things for me.

1. I don't want to be a rocket scientist - When I was back in high school working on physics, trigonometry and calculus problems, my dad would help me with my homework. At the time I wanted to be an aerospace engineer and design space ships. When I'd miss a problem, my dad would say, "Looks like your space shuttle just crashed." Fortunately for me, and probably dozens of future astronauts, I switched to business. Though I liked the idea of space, flight and all things engineer related, it wasn't my true passion. Finding my true passion is what makes business so fun and easy for me and what makes rocket science so fun and easy for a rocket scientist.


2. I don't need to be a rocket scientist - What ever the next project is that I get involved in at work or at home, I don't need to be the expert in a new field to be successful at it. I have to be an expert in something, but there is no way for me to be an expert in everything. Instead, I need to go find the expert, the rocket scientist, who can solve my problems in their sleep while I would have to stay up many late nights trying to learn and then implement what is routine for them. I don't need to be a rocket scientist, I need to be a rocket scientist magnet where I am able to find and attract what it is I need.


3. Leading from your strengths is not a fad - The whole idea of First Break All The Rules or any of the subsequent books and articles that came out about not trying to improve on what you aren't any good at, seemed to reach critical mass a few years ago. I wondered if it would be the latest addition to many piles of once best sellers like the One Minute Manager that have now become pass'e. I realized that this won't be a trend that will later end up on the pile of used to be hot books, but has the staying power of a principle of business. One like the Peter Principle or the Pareto Principle that become quoted and referenced in all of the next generation business fad books. Finding your rocket scientist to complement your weaknesses is a principle of business not a business fad.

Pursue the Passion

The argument of whether or not passion for your job should be the deciding factor in job satisfaction is not one that is completely settled with me. Perhaps I'm a little crispy after I came to the realization that being happy with my job doesn't make the rest of my life joyful. Maybe that's just me.

Pursue the Passion is an attempt to understand why only 50% of America likes their job and 20% applies passion in their job.

"Pursue the Passion addresses this issue by interviewing people who are propelled by a love for their work. From these interviews, our mission is to assist aspiring individuals to find work they can be passionate about by producing resources that help direct and guide their pursuit."

If you're passionate about your job, or know someone who is, share your story and schedule an interview and become part of the project.

It's a neat concept, though not entirely unique.

The question, which came up in a discussion panel I was part of yesterday is this: Should you follow passion or money when finding a job? I would spin this a little and give it a broader focus by suggesting you should follow your passion in life first. If that's your job then so be it, but if it is family, recreation or something else like travel, then use your job as a tool to fulfill your passion in that area.

*** I would have put a nice picture of something up at the top, but have you ever Google image searched the word "passion" before? Hence the reason for no picture. ***

Momentary Tension in the Workplace

Working on a university campus has its advantages. My office environment is very laid back, staff meetings are rarely, if ever formal and everyone is in the business of helping everyone else, so there are lots of friendly people around all the time. I even like eating in the cafeteria from time to time.

However, yesterday had its immediate drawback to working on campus when I got this email.

Subject: [staff-l] SUSPECT

We have received a call 15 minutes ago that there is a man on the campus possibly with a gun. The description of this person is : Hispanic male 5’8” w tank top shirt blue jean shorts black hair and brown eyes. If you have seen/or see someone fitting this description please call UCCS police with the location.
Thanks UCCS police

With immediate memories of the Virginia Tech incident just over a month ago my mind began racing with what to do next. Fight or flight was the choice.

About 10 minutes later, which seemed like a day and a half later, I got this email.

Subject: [staff-l] earlier e-mail

The suspect is in custody, UCCS police with CSPD have the person in custody.
Thanks,
UCCS police

As it turns out, it was only a pellet gun, but the guy got arrested anyway. Regardless, I am glad that our campus police carry guns, unlike those at Virginia Tech, and am glad they were able to act and react so quickly and effectively.

Local news covered the story here.

I have to say, the moment was somewhat surreal and while I wasn't ever afraid, it did leave me thinking about what possible outcomes might have happened.

Maybe I'll move my offices to the post office. They haven't had a shooting in several years.

My Head Is Going to Explode!

I've been up in Denver the last 2 days and finally get to go home tomorrow. Normally I'd enjoy the fun of haning out on the 16th Street Mall, but when you spend 8 hours in a conference room with 20 people, going over PowerPoint slides... Ohhhh, my head hurts.

This is our semi-annual director's meeting, and in all honesty it's not that bad. The rest of the directors aren't griping and complaining as has happened in times past, and the information I'm getting will really help my clients when I get back and recover.

On top of it all, I finally convinced my superiors to count a contract I helped a client get that took me from 50% of my annual goal to 700%. When the told me I could count it, I joked and said I'm going on vacation for a couple of years. They gave me the courtesy laugh and said no.

It's 2am, my head is going to explode from all the information I've gotten and slides I read in the last two days. I'm going to bed now so I can get up in a few hours and enjoy the half day of meetings planned for tomorrow. Fortunately my friend and role model, Harold from SCORE will be presenting for part of the day. He is anything but boring Power Points and overload of information.

Implementing a Siesta Time

The next time you feel sleepy at your desk, tell your boss you're doing him a favor by laying down and taking a nap. Now your boss might balk a little at this, but the truth is taking an afternoon nap has been proven to reduce your chance of heart disease by a third.

The Toronto Daily News reported that according to research conducted by the University of Athens Medical School, people who napped at least three times a week for an average of thirty minutes saw a 37% reduction in coronary mortality. So between yawns and stretches as you curl up with a warm blanket under your desk tell your boss that this is your way of cutting that ever growing cost of health insurance the company has to pay, not to mention training a new person to do your job.

However, if your boss replies, "Get off the floor you slacker, that's what I'm counting on!", you may want to find another boss to work for. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to write a proposal for our personnel policies to include a 30 minute nap time. (Yaaa-aawwn) I want to get it done before my vacation to CanCun begins next week, where I'll be developing my new siesta habit.