I'm Wanted, Dead or Alive

Perhaps I've always been a bit shady. Never quite legitimate. But when I called the police station last night and found that there had been a warrant issued for my arrest it proved my point.

February 14th, Valentine's Day 2006. I was enjoying a mildly romantic evening of fondue with my lovely wife when it suddenly dawned on me that my speeding ticket had not been paid.

I got this speeding ticket shortly after I received a phone call from my wife telling me that our youngest son Tyler needed to be taken to the emerge-care center because he had a horrible ear ache and it couldn't wait to see a doctor. My wife, almost in tears asked "Could you go pick up Jacob from school on the other side of town? You need to be there in 10 minutes." Off like a flash, I jumped in the car and drove slightly faster than legal limits allowed to his school. Less than a mile away from school, I had the opportunity meet Officer Davis. A nice young fellow with a propensity to not cut any slack. "Thank you officer." I said as I drove 2 miles per hour under the speed limit to school to get my son.

So there I am 10:45PM on Valentine's Day night and instead of winking at my wife, I'm speaking to Stacy at the Northwest District Police Office in Colorado Springs. "We're open 24 hours a day." she said, so I went down to straighten things out and hopefully not spend the night in a small cell with Bubba. "Oh, I'm sorry, you're not in the system yet, so you'll have to go to Municipal Court tomorrow to straighten this out." Stacy said with a smile.

So I'm on the lamb. Running from the law. My family could be busted for aiding and abetting. SWAT is probably rigging their harnesses on the roof, ready to swing through the window, shattering glass as I'm laying in bed sleeping.

So I went to Municipal Court this morning. As I walked through security I put everything I owned in this little Tupperware dish, then a stern constipated man wearing dark sunglasses said "Take your belt off." I thought "Wow a full body cavity search just for a speeding ticket, come on!" Then I was pointed to the sign which said everyone takes off their belt when going through the metal detector. "Sure" I said, blushing slightly and a little disapointed.

I went to pay my ticket. They announced I had a warrant for my arrest. I said "I'm not going down with out a fight!" I shoved the sheriff away, grabbed his gun and shot my way out... right after I paid my ticket and thanked the lady behind the counter.

Careful... I'm a dangerous man. Wanted - Dead or Alive.

Everyone Sing Along!
I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I’m wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive
I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back
I play for keeps, ’cause I might not make it back