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Monday, October 08, 2007

Fill My Eyes With That Double Vision

I went to the eye doctor today for my regular checkup to learn my eyes are normal as ever.

I don't really mind eye doctors that much. I mean it's not like I'm seeing the proctologist. However, when they get out those dilating drops and want to put them in my eyes I'd rather hear the snap of a rubber glove. I can't stand anything touching my eyes.

Knowing what was in store, I planned ahead and took my laptop with me so I could get some work done while waiting for the drops to take effect, and I knew that when I had to increase the size of my document to 250% to see what I was typing that the drops had taken effect.

The doctor proceeds to shine a light in my eyes that seems like I'm staring into the center of the sun and makes my eyes hurt and water like crazy. And as if that wasn't enough she gets out some kind of magnifying glass which lets her see inside my eye, but also magnifies the light to the equivalent of walking out of a cave and staring into the center of the sun. But, the real fun begins as I try to drive back to the office with my sunglasses on, those hideous eye doctor sunglasses tucked behind my sunglasses and avoiding every reflection off of every piece of glass along the way so I don't become blinded by the glare.

Why has no one developed drops that instantly reverse the dilation process? I asked the doctor - she said there aren't any. I'd pay double my co-pay to get them. Instead, an hour later and I'm sitting at my computer straining to read as I type this post, and impatiently waiting so I can start working again.